just when the dark isnt enough to make me sleepy

sakit… ang nasasa isip,

lungkot… ang naidudulot..

sa muli at muli mong pagsulpot,

sa balintataw na pilit nililimot.

pabiling – biling… pabali baligtad…

ikot dito, ikot doon…

ano’t di matukoy,

ang ninanais na posisyon

- March 25 2005

sa loob ng mahabang panahon,

dala ko ang natatanging pagkakataon,

nang ang iyo at aking paningi’y magkatuon.

mula noon, pag-ibig sa pusoy sumibol,

pagmamahal at pagtingin

ay patuloy na yumabong.

ngunit, minsan may di nakadama,

munti mang pagkalinga mula’t mula pa,

dahil tila ang pag-ibig na pinapangarap,

ay nagmumula lamang sa isang akala.

sa kabila ng lahat,

araw at gabing ika’y naaalala,

pagsambit ng pangalan mo,

kasama sa pagbuntong hininga.

tama na tama na,

madalas na isipin,

ngunit ang naisin,

ay kaiba sa damdamin.

hanggang kailan dadalhin,

ang bigat na pasanin,

hungkag na pusoy,

tila nangunguluntoy na rin.

tama na puso tama na,

dinggin yaring panaghoy,

dahil dapat na pakatandaang,

puso ri’y naluluoy.

- October 1, 2007

Bakit minamahal ka?

Mula noon, hanggang ngayon,

ikaw sa puso at isip ay naroon.

Napakahirap na dalahin,

sakit sa puso ay pasanin.

Munting saya ay madarama

sa sandali na tayo’y magkita.

Ngunit takot sa dibdib ay tuwi-tuwina

Lalo’t ikay di kasama.

Anong ligaya ang kamtan,

sa tuwing ang balat sa balat ng bisig ay nadarama.

ilang taon na nga mula ng magkita,

ngunit hanggang ngayon, damdami’y di nag-iiba.

Ang uring ito ng puso ay nag-iisa,

dadalhin hanggang sa huling hininga.

Minamahal nga ba kita?

- March 17, 2008

An Experience to Remember: THE WAY I USED TO FIT MYSELF IN

My journey as a high school student is no exemption from the general rule. It is and has been the best part of everyone’s life, as I did.

Joining the 1st section in my 3^rd year brought fear with no end. Coming from a lower section, I sought the assistance of my 2^nd year adviser to intervene and transfer me at least to the 2^nd section. Assumptions were all over me, tied with the notion of isolation and discrimination; I worked hard to change my fate.

Destiny it may seem, I found no one to support what I want. I had to face my fear and stay where I hate to. First day was an agony. I felt eyes were all over me. I can recall that I was counting every step that I took and kept my breath at a level where no one will ever notice my presence. Second day was almost the same.

Ice broke on the 3^rd day when I began small talks with my seatmate and it improved as days passed by. I started jelling in when I observed that I easily relate in the class discussion especially in the Elementary Statistics. I was not an exceptional student but my abilities can be gauged at their level. I am neither behind nor advanced of anyone in the class.

From then on, I realized that I need not fear anyone. I was made part of their class because there were people who believe that I can make it. It did not make sense to me initially but now I know why. God has something good that I will cherish for life.

Currently, our section leads the planning in the grand reunion to be held next year. We have just launched the website of our batch where we also spearheaded its development. We expect less than the actual members of the batch 1990 but we hope that next year’s event will re-live what we had 19 years ago. We are what we are because of the people we had, learning how to fit in and lived in. High school life, then, is a laboratory of life for adults to be. And I will never find the joy of being with people I treasure now if things happened otherwise.

Finally... I AM WRITING FOR MY BLOG

Almost everyday, i get to open and read the news journal on the net... news about the philippines and the crazy things going on can easily be digested from this site. Personally, it provides information that i can refer to why silly things happen around us.. hey, i am not so inclined to the social, political and economic brouhaha in the past few weeks over the ZTE scam. However it gets to my nerve whenever i realize why life in this beloved land has not changed a bit... with all the ads shown on TV and radio with emphasis on the improved plight of the Filipino people but in reality, it shows otherwise.

I am just a simple government employee, having been in the service for the last 12 years. i began as a classroom teacher and fortunately i was able to grab (hehehe im not convinced with the word i used) a scholarship that led to my transformation from being a teacher to someone who they claim (but i wont) to be as subject specialist.



My work demands so much as it does not just talk about students, grades and teachers. My environment as well as my work has changed fully. What i had in the past as a classroom teacher was just a small chunk of what i have to overcome now. In other words, the challenges that i have to traverse from being a simple classroom teacher to being a content specialist is quite overwhelming. Is there anyone who wants to see a proof? I would be happy to show and differentiate pics taken when i was still a novice in the office and when i was still lording it over in the classrooms. MORE PROOF? Well, i can show my hair now.. Its getting thinner and im loosing a lot of it... Im afraid that if i continue to stay here for 10 more years, i will eventually lose all my hair (hehehe) though both my parents at 60+ are still wearing a healthy, shiny hair.. (lol.... secret.. i will not tell anyone what shampoo are they using.. hahahah)

I am so glad on what i was able to achieve at this time of my life (34). my family and friends also felt the same way as they used to tell me how proud they were for me too. the exposures and the learning that i am getting i guess are worth my stay here.. HOWEVER, i realized that time has gone so fast.. that i am getting older in this work with much knowledge (?) but with no lovelife.. and the worst part i think is that, after working in the government - deped specifically, i have not gained much FINANCIALLY. Consequently, i began to fear for so many things now. I am not financially stable, i have my olds with me, i am still single, still renting a place here and in the province and ive been working for quite a while.. So where am i going to from here? When shall i have a money to buy for our own house? Should i loan or apply through VP Noli de Castro's hoiusing program? Am i going to live for 30 years paying such small very far house?... Is this the life that i deserve after i decided to work in the government in 1994 and passed the board exam for teachers? Am i not deserving of the multi billion pesos they were talking about in the senate (ZTE scam)?

My golly!!! I gave my life.. my youth to this beloved land... but it seems that I AM NOT GETTING ANY and will never be.. when will the government (actually the people occupying high positions) sincerely learn to look after the welfare of simple people working for this country to continuously exist and serve every FILIPINO.. i am not angry, i am just sad to learn where i am now after i joined the government service. WHERE ARE WE GOING FROM HERE?

QUESTION: should i leave the country because there is no more hope for poor, simple and committed workers in this beloved land of ours? OR should i stay, continue to live a life whatever the politicians can offer to us - born, live and die miserably poor...?


The internet has narrowed down the digital divide in the Philippines (likely) but not the ECONOMIC DISPARITY among the people of this beloved land...

Shall we wait for a bloody revolution from these simple, poor people to understand that GOVERNMENT SHOULD EFFICIENTLY SERVE THEM and NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND..???

WHEN SHALL WE LEARN FROM THE HISTORY..? i thought, slavery has ceased more than a century.. BUT THE SAD FATE of this Land reflects that we are still being slaved and maligned none other than the people we trusted.. chosen ... voted..

Family - as AXIS of everything

The family is the beginning and the end of one’s life. We are the result of the nurturing hands of our parents. Literally, we are not just a semblance of our parents, but an extension of their aspirations and beliefs.

Their Role. Security and better life are the foremost desires of parents to their children. Constraints may prevent them momentarily but it will never stop them for long. Every step will be managed to ensure that things will work the way they perceive it. Such undying love and affection is priceless. The boundary of love is limitless and the depth of understanding is endless. Hence, acceptance over their children’s mistakes is readily accessible whenever such is needed.

My Thoughts. A reality of life permeates every man- to protect and collaborate with other people to ensure the welfare of one’s child. A school is an extension of a home. It is the place where other areas of man’s dimensions are developed. Tasks may not be easy to accomplish, but it will prepare every child for the later part of his life. A child with disabilities may find it doubly hard to learn but with parents around and close cooperation with the teacher, what seems to be a problem could be outdone effortlessly.

The Challenge. Cooperation between teachers and parents is easily said than done. Policies have been formulated and disseminated for implementation. However, it is still categorically at the level of awareness and the enforcement may need to be strengthened. Participation is still quite low. Encouragement is always the advocacy of the central office to ensure that appropriate intervention will be instituted at the school level based on the needs of the students. The influence and authority of parents – has always been neglected as a result of less effort and ignorance, on the part of the school, to involve them in the education of their children. In the case of students with special needs, parents have so much to offer. Assistance and experience could enrich the teaching-learning condition, hence, an advantage for the students. A more vigilant enforcement of the policy should be done as to increase parents’ participation. Local government units should devise means to attract parents in school matters as well. In that way, students will be assured that they get the best from the department of education. Likewise, a safety net should be made alongside the desire to involve the parents as partners in the education of their children. Conflicts would be easily avoided between school and parents with personal agenda. Shared responsibility has always been one of the primary goals of the Department as education of the children matters most. The initiatives of the government work towards the fulfillment of its mandate - education for all. It is an assurance that parents are recognized – and are considered the most significant individuals in educating every child, regardless of abilities and talents.

“People need not pity us. They shouldn’t even give us special treatment. What we need is for “sighted” to accept and take good care of us”. Ricardo delos Santos, blind, quoted during an interview in a SpED class in St. Joseph’s College, QuezonCity, Philippines

Truly, I was amazed listening to the individuals who are sometimes identified as “insignificant”. Since it was my first, everything that I heard from them made me think anew. Indeed, God is really great for giving us the ability to comprehend as each day unveils a new mystery.

My Realization. I was touched and surprised to learn how the two resource persons fought for their survival. Everyday seems to be a battle for them. The ground was so wide and their foes were so many. But the most difficult among those were the “significant” that blatantly undermined their capability to live. But not all “significant” felt the same way.
I believe that while listening, the moment became a reality check. I reflected and looked back. I try to remember how I lived for the last 32 years. And like movie clips, I saw myself complacency living in most of my life. But when I was challenged once, I almost lost myself thinking that I can’t take life’s trials. It was just a test compared to the lifetime ordeal of the resource persons who shared their struggle in this life. For them, everyday is a test; every place is an arena where they should fight to survive.

I am just fortunate for believing in God, for keeping my faith in time that I almost gave up. I am very much grateful as well for having a family who may have failed to give material things but was able to offer themselves selflessly. I was moved when I heard the sacrifices of the parents for their children. It’s really no joke to raise a family, more so, if there is at least one member who needs extra care, and extra love. Honestly, I’m sad every time that I meet old people as it often reminds me of my parents at home, whom I had to sacrifice from not seeing. I chose to explore this profession hence, the need to face the consequence.

My Challenge. My first “face-to-face” interaction with blind people enlightened me once more. A new world has paved the way for another perspective in life. The challenge is up for me on how to contribute in influencing the community in treating the “insignificant” fairly. Time has come to embrace them. Transformation cannot be achieved overnight. The reality is, we co-exist with them and acceptance is a necessity. I don’t know if I need empowerment but I guess such would be necessary if I want to influence others as regard people with special needs. One’s existence is so short hence, every minute counts. I had been blinded in the past for so many things, but I am glad to see the light slowly, realizing that my existence can make a difference.

Special Education... A Perception...!

Personally, I never thought that I will enter the “world” of children with special needs. I was a teacher and still an educator- indirectly influencing thousands of students across the country. Realization hit me when I learned “who” the society refers to as children with special needs.

Relevance of Special Education to me. An eye opener, that life is not just for “normal” people. Individual differences are not plainly an idea of varied ways of beliefs, thinking abilities and physical attributes. In depth understanding that the world is roamed around by distinct individuals and labeling who’s in and who’s not should never matter to us. Hence, rational thinking and understanding should characterize every person of every race.

Relevance to the community. I realized the significance of SPED in promoting openness and understanding. The community as an extension of a bigger family should be the forefront in avoiding prejudice among people with special needs. Such action leads to acceptance and promotion of every individual pushing for a comfortable life.Relevance to Society. SPED is a way towards nurturing the capability of people regarded as insignificant. I never concerned myself about laws and policies in support of “some” groups unless it affects me. Now I realized the obligation of the society to develop the unique abilities of every student to obtain optimal skill - ultimately looking at them as potential contributor of progress, in their own little way, whether one is normal or person with disabilities.

How to do my part? Being a member of a policy making and standard setting agency, my immediate desire is to re-examine the curriculum developed for “normal” students. Unconsciously, we deprive children with behavioral and other disabilities to learn best because of situations they never wanted and the lack of skills of their mentor. Further, future training for teachers should include an understanding about students with special needs to know them well. At the end of the day, the learning of our students, regardless of their family status, physical and mental capabilities, should always be the primary goal of every one.